Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives,
socialists, Marxists, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of
this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce.
I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future
generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two
ideological sides of
America cannot, and will not, ever agree on what is right, so
let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, chalk it up to
irreconcilable differences, and go our own way...
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass
each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure
our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that it should be
relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide
other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don't like re-distributive taxes so you can keep them. You
are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and
war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You
can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however,
responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all
three of them)...
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical
companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved
homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot
Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's, and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles
and give you NBC and Hollywood . You can make nice with Iran and
Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that
threaten us. You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters. When our
allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them
security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to
Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can also have the
U.N. But we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUVs,
pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars.
You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any
practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and
not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National
Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to
Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World. We'll practice
trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty your best
shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name,
and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so please pass it along to
other like minded liberal and conservative patriots, and if you do not
agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you
ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 10 years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall.
Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand.
Posts
