Wednesday, May 30, 2012

What being unequally yoked looks like (a little) in my world

It is a sad lonely place for a wife who loves the Lord.  First she is always thinking of his salvation, an extremely heavy anvil on the heart.  I cry for him desperately to soften his heart to the one whose heart broke for us till his death; Jesus. 

The lonely part is not being able to share all the amazing things G*d does with this person you want to share everything with.  There is no excitement or joy when sharing a praise report. There is no empathy when I am concerned for a sister in the Lord. I certainly can't share those burdens. 

Our marriage is good. G*d has blessed it in so many ways. I try to live as 
1Peter3:1-6 states:
 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,  when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.  Do not let your adornment be merely outward--arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel--  rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.  For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands,  as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.   Remember I said try. I am still working on that quiet part. This past couple of years I have been improving (though I know he doesn't think so).    Sometimes when I get angry and want to unleash the beast of my mouth, I call him Lord under my breath, to put myself in check, and pray for my heart to be right.  I have to die to my flesh. Have you tried that lately?  What does it take to die to yourself?  It means to put on love when you are being unloved, it means going the extra mile when you are already exhausted.

The gospel message is not just about how much this Savior loved us. It it about how we are to pick up our own crosses, how we are going to go through the trials of life, count it joy when it hurts, bless those who hurt us.
I am the kind who strikes back, this is what I am working to overcome.  I have had small victories, but someday I will be complete.  
When you are unequally yoked even in a good marriage it sometimes feels like you are sleeping with the enemy.  Simple disagreements can be devastating.
Now that I have traveled this road almost 25yrs, being with a man I am deeply & passionately in love with, who I respect & admire more than any man, I would still say to you young girls, please wait for a godly man who shares your faith.  When He tells us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers it is for your sake, He is not trying to be mean, he is trying to protect you. 

If you keep yourself from places and wrong people that will go a long way. 
1 Cor 15:33 Do not be deceived:"Evil company corrupts good habits."
I wasn't saved before I married, I didn't know all of this. If you are a saved young lady and you knowingly get involved with an unsaved young man, there is still time to get out.  Seek an older trusted woman in the Lord and pray.    I am not saying your guy is bad, I am saying the Father says do not be yoked with him.   My children have to pray for their dads salvation. How sad is that? They know where he is going if he doesn't choose Jesus. A horrible burden to our hearts. 

Monday, May 21, 2012

Working on the Proverbs 31 Woman~Who is she, How did she get that way?

I dissect my whole life when I am deep in a bible study. This is not my first time going line by line trying to find out who is this woman, how can I grow into this role?  

I suppose when you have a paragon (a model of excellence), you can pick up some things.  My mother, is a good woman, but did not discover the bible while I was in the training years. She worked outside the home when we went to grammar school "trying" to help make ends meat.  When I look back, I see the beginning of feminism taking root.  My dad was an alcoholic, so she picked up his curse, and training daughters to be honoring of husbands was not a thought.

When I got married, I was furthest away from this woman of virtue I see today as the woman I want to be. I want to be her for G*d, for my husband, for my children, for my friends, and for people who yet to know the King of Glory, who makes all things new.

What does this mean to me in real life this go around?  Well for starters, my goal this week is to deal with what I struggle with.  I know you're itching to know. My on going problem has been rivaling him, in what he says.  I have searched my heart for a long time on this and I do know myself.  When you come at me with what my pink eyes see as hurtful, I strike back, I argue, I cry.

I do have moments of victory when I keep quiet and just take it, but my flesh & mind over react lots, it is an on going trial. I am grateful that Yeshua is gently moving me to a place of peace where I don't feel the need to fight back,
because He sees me whole, even in my weakness.

Let's face it, marriage is not easy.  I cherish my husband, he is worth all I give and more!