Saturday, July 18, 2009

My Friend died last Saturday.




I am beyond what I thought I would feel, and think, and behave. My whole body feels tired. Morning has pretty much much consumed my thoughts, and yet the world goes on. Children need feeding, dishes need washing, heck took me a few days to shower. Thank God for my number one son, he has done the dirty work for me. I bet the kids are glad I haven't yelled.

Though I am so terribly sad, I do have a still peace that my friend accepted Jesus as her savior while she laid in the hospital bed with a tube in her mouth in what seemed to be a coma. They said she was non responsive, but when I got there and had put her mom on the speakerphone and we were talking, she started to move! This was not my imagination as her husband told me she hadn't done that before and he witnessed all she had done.

I prayed over her, I sang to her, I talked to her for and hour and a half and she responded! When I told her about Jesus her mouth moved, I believe she confessed Him! That is my peace.

I really did think she would wait for me for the next day to open her eyes, I told her I would record her son's voice and play it for her as he was not allowed in the ICU. I only wished I thought of it Friday.

She was an early riser so I told her she didn't have to wait for me, but if she did not to yell at the nurses. I told her I would be there when my dh came home from work. Now I wish I didn't wait.

Death happens when we are not ready, they are always shocking no matter if it was sickness or an accident. Now I can say this, an accident you don't expect so sometimes can be fast. D's accident lasted from Thursday afternoon to Saturday afternoon. Other loved ones in my life who died recently really went fast.

As I was thinking about D, I started to think about Uncle R. He really died in a good way for dying. N, died by her own hand by gun, that had to have hurt. Another uncle got hit by a van on a corner, and still another on his front porch. All pretty fast. I think that is best for them as they are not going through a long bout with an illness. Hubby cousin was not that fortunate he had a battle with cancer that was long and sad, while his dad died on a job site.

My friends death has made me think of so many things in my life that I want to do now. I don't want to just go through the motions of a mediocre existence. I want to live passionately, love with all that I have, not be bitter and quarrelsome (that will be hard).

While I am not ready to talk, I thought if I blogged it would help me to heal.
To honor my friend who didn't think she was worthy of much. She had a past, but so do I. She had lots of regrets, so do I. She will not be raising her son now, this was her second chance child. She all too well blew it with first child, and I prayed for them. Now what? Our lil guys are close now, I wonder if they will stay that way? Thirty years for us. My dad always said you can count your friends on one hand two if your lucky, but he didn't know Jesus then...

I could not get to today without the prayers of my brothers and sisters in the Lord. I know the Lord has strengthened me even though I am hardly functioning. He is holding me up with His right hand! I just pray my friends family can find that peace. Seek the Lord while he may be found...Is 55:6

Pic of our boys at my lil guys 6th birthday.