Monday, November 29, 2010

Now that Dad is Gone

I feel like I have cement shoes on. I feel like everything is hard to do. Everything hurts!

Dad went to hospice Thursday the 18th. I ran over there as soon as hubby came home from work. I stayed till he fell asleep. Friday Sean was coming home from college so I was anxiously waiting for them to come home to go see Dad. Sean ended up coming with me. Lots of tears but we stayed again till he fell asleep.
Saturday morning me and Ed went to see Dad. He gave me kisses that day. Then we went to do some work all over town, then back to hospice. Wow as I write I can hardly remember the details. I know my parents friends went up and that was good for ma.

Sunday Jeff met me there, and my in laws came up too.
I was there till 2am. Dad didn't really sleep. He stayed awake for what seemed like forever. He just stared at me.

I spent all my visits singing worship songs, reading the bible, praying, and telling him how much I love him and all the things in my life I loved about him and how thankful I was that God made him my father. I tried to always have him see me with a smile.

Monday the 22nd felt like the longest day of my whole life! I did school with Joe which I hadn't in so long. Then I got the call from hospice, it was going to be soon. Then I panicked, not that he was going to die, I just didn't want him to die alone. Just my own thing, please don't over think it. My heart was racing as I didn't have anyway to get there, Billy was working and so was everybody that I needed. I called my Mom and told her what they had said and asked her if she wanted to be there and she said yes, I called Terri to get Billy there as soon as he got home. My MIL picked up Ma, and Jeff to the rescue picked me up and off we went.

I got there and was able to have alone time with Dad before Billy and ma got there. Then we waited. Most of the evening Billy was on one side and I was on the other. We spoke of how we loved him.
I continued to pray and sing to him. His eyes remained closed all those hours we were there.

The nurse came in and said it usually is about six hours from when they change their breathing. She said he is tough, holding on. I felt like he did that for Billy.
I did the math which gave me some comfort oddly. We all hated to see him suffer, and my Dad did suffer badly with a horrific bed wound that you can not imagine. I use the word horrific
because it was like a horror movie.

Julie came just in time, and I smiled the moment she got there. It was like some of the home births, getting there just in time. I was so grateful Ma didn't have to be there alone. God knows who needs to be there.

Then the end came. He opened his eyes and began panting. Me and Billy stood closer to him and just told him we loved him over and over. We told him to rest, and I tried to sing to bring him comfort. We held him and kissed him till he took his final breath, then he closed his eyes and went home to be with the Lord as the angles led him. I broke and cried out loud, and ma asked if he was gone? We said yes and then she cried. We prayed, we cried, we went home void of Dads presence but all of us filled with the only comfort of knowing he was present with the Lord.

I will love you forever Dad for all the reasons daughters love fathers.
I will always hear you singing Daddy's Little Girl and so glad you sang to me on my birthday and we danced as you sang Miss America to me. You always made me feel special & loved.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Just Because God Doesn't Do Things as Fast as We want doesn't mean He has said No.

God has his own time line. He knows the end from the beginning.

We are praying for lots of stuff with my dad's recovery. Two weeks ago we were told to put him in Hospice by 2 docs, then later that week his primary said to wait and give him more time. We did.

Saturday morning my dad ate some eggs, when I got there, I fed him a bite of mashed potatoes, and a bite of lemon ice. So I will not put my time expectations on God.

Yes this is hard, yes I hate driving to the hospital, yes I am stressed by my own burdens, but I have a father in heaven who loves me and cares about every detail in my life and He has shown that to me in more ways than I deserve. Every testimony has a test, I don't want to fail. In my weakness He is girding me with His strength and love.

I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
My help comes from the LORD,
Who made heaven and earth.

He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD is your keeper;
The LORD is your shade at your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.

The LORD shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore.
Psalm 121 The Museum's My Help Comes From the Lord

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Life Waits For No One

My dad went in for an abdominal aortic aneuysm surgery. He walked in fine but has yet to walk, talk, or do anything that resembles a normal recovery. He had major complications that caused catistrophic resutls including, ulsers, a mass on the vein, blood clots, thrombosis in the neck, cholesterol embolism, acute kindny failure, afib, low bp, pnemonia, no pulse in feet, needs insulin, dialysis, feeding tube, was intubated, & extubated, did a tracheotmy, and had an anitbiotic resistant infection called acinetobacter, and wounds so bad on his bottom he needed a plastic surgon to look at.
He went from his local hospital to one that specializes in patients with muliple needs in Tampa. I have to go pick up my mom thirty minutes away because she doesn't drive, then travel to Tampa, a hour and a half trip before all the pit stop she needs to make. This makes for a long day with all the other chores in my own world, you know like home schooling and taking care of my husband, pets, and home.
You may be thinking ma should come stay with us, I would agree, but she will not. I even suggested maybe to stay on the days we go see dad. This is conveniently ignored. My mom can't hear so well or chooses not to, so the ride is like a bad comedy of errors with her and my lil guy. They don't hear each other and make things up as they go along, and I hear it all. We drive all that way, get there and she can't handle seeing him like that, she cries, and asks me endlessly why is he doing that, like I have the answeres. I comfort her, tell her what I know, then she forgets and the process starts again about an hour later as we leave. Then pit stops on the way home begin.
Today she has called me everytime one of thier friends has called her, or just has to tell me one thing or another. I am not a talkative person so I usually only say something when asked because we have always had a hard relationship over the phone. Can we say oil & water?
I feel bad for my mother. I shudder of the thought of my husband being ill or loosing him. I just don't know what to do for her, except answer the phone, hug when needed, and pray without ceasing.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.
Jerimiah 29:11-13 NKJ

Friday, July 2, 2010

My First Shabbat at Home

Shabbat for Families - My Jewish Learning

This post helped me not feel like I am doing it all wrong.
I am so glad to know that it doesn't have to be perfect. I was not born Jewish so this is all new. It is a privilege to be grafted in by the Messiah Yeshua.

Like being born again and falling in love for the first time, strong well watered roots help the plant grow.

“I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. “Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit. “You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. “Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. “I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. “If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned. “If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. “My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples. “Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. “If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. “These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full. John 15.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Heart of Wisdom Giveaway click here to go there

Heart of Wisdom GIVEAWAY!

20 Free Ebooks $300.00 Value!

To enter: Post a question, discussion, start a new topic, or comment on a topic on this board.

The goal of the contest is to promote conversation on this new designed board. We need to get used to 4 forums now being groups.

Robin is the author of Biblical Holidays, What Your Child Needs to Know When, Heart of Wisdom Teaching Approach and other Units Studies. You will be blessed as the Lord leads your Home Schooling with the Bible as the Center of all things.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

A New Season Approaching

The weather is beautiful here in Florida. I am so glad winter is over. I think the Father must have known how much cold I could take.

Second grade will be up next, so I have been busy looking for books to help lil guy.

I am also in prayer about starting Contenders of the Faith. We just do not have a big circle of lil boys in my church or neighborhood. My unequally yoked hubby and I are not big on the idea of leaving lil guy with anyone, like church youth groups or he could have gone to a few local churches that have Royal Rangers. So what's a mom to do?

My big guy will be finishing up his junior year in a week. I am beyond thrilled! Now I am praying he can get an internship with a local attorney and a job for the summer. Any takers in need of a diligent young man who works hard? Yes, I have no shame. He is a wonderful son obeying the lead of the Father.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Number One Son's 20th Birthday Surprise

I didn't want to much time to get by me without posting about Sean's birthday. This has been a roller coaster of a year as it has been for so many. I didn't have a clue how or what to plan as he is in school working his tail off and not much time in between. Well the Lord was again merciful to me. He provided me with gas to get to the school, some munchies with sodas, and Grandma & Grandpa brought chicken & fries, which was the hit! My son and his few friends where very thrilled! I guess there is no denying good food. I also made a cake, brownies and deviled eggs. We had ice cream and a real nice time together.

I surprised my son at the financial aid office, he had to sign papers. That was funny. Regina and Angelina caught him off guard as well telling him to come up to the 2nd floor after Boys and Girls club. He so forgot I was there...hmm.

Nick kept Joseph very busy as we waited, I think it is safe to say SEU is free from "The Flood".

Thank you Regina for caring about my love, you are such a sweetie! I am blessed.

By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another. John 13:35 NKJ

Thursday, March 25, 2010

After the Love & Respect DVD Series

It has been wonderful time of fellowship with dear women young & seasoned who want to protect their marriages and children while they obey the Lord.

We shared lots of things that is typical in marriages, but oh so serious in how we react in the moment. We prayed for on another and we began to see fruit, even as some of us were tried with fiery darts, the Lord prevailed.

This is not a quick fix, but I would encourage you to read this book. You are responsible for you. It would be great to do it together but as you know many husbands are just blue, not wrong just different.

I am the wifeypoo, and unequally yoked, saved 2yrs after we got married. My husband is very blue and I am walking in grace with him as the Lord sanctifies him to live with me. Thank you Lord for my husband, bless him and keep him, make him holy unto yourself, that he will honor and glorify your name.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Worship with Lil Guy

I usually wake my lil guy by singing Rise & Shine in his ear and This is the Day. So we start off with worship first thing.

I feel like worship is a state of being. If I stay in worship throughout the day I am thankful.

Let me tell you all I do have the worst voice on the planet, no joke! I think the Lord loves it though so it may not be ringing in my ears but I don't do it for me.

This is communion with the Holy One. I am not asking or standing in the gap for others, just pure joy in his presence. No church needed. All are welcome to participate. I encourage you to join in throughout the day that it may be a sweet sound in His ears. You don't even have to know any special songs, make it up as you go along. Have fun with your family and go retro singing together.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Dinner with a new heart

As I walk through lessons from A Virtuous Woman today a Spanish dinner was on my heart for my husband. When our niece was being home schooled she made this weekly. He hasn't had it since she graduated and left us in 08.

I am keeping my heart and mind on things above as I do my work diligently as unto the Lord and not as unto men. With the help of the Holy one all things are possible and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I went through something I will not get into here, but give glory to the King for his grace.

Friday, January 22, 2010

My Own Fear

In spite of what I know is truth in the Word of God, He did not give me a spirit of fear... I still battle this with my lil guy. I always have to talk myself down repeating that scripture over and over.

While I am in fear, I am so out of control. Where is the fruit of the spirit that lives in me? Where is my witness to my unsaved husband? Where does my faith go in those crazed moments of intense fear?

While I know the scriptures to be true, I want to live them out loud! I need to count it all joy, not think it strange, and trust Him that all things work together for good, repent, and rejoice in all things.